Lover of God, Life, Wife & Children

Friends With Benefits

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)

Early in life, I have learned to surround myself with friends. I was doing a quick count and I can honestly say that I have a lot of friends. I also belong to a Catholic family life renewal ministry that increases your circle of friends at an exponential rate.

This blog is about friends who benefit from PAGIBIG, SSS, GSIS, PHILHEALTH or my so called friends with benefits…just kidding.

I learned a lot about friends when I got sick in 2002. I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable.  And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. If I am willing to trust my life with you, and vice versa, I consider you my friend. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship.

Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it tips at some point. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned. When I was younger and thought I was in love, a friend said it’s not love unless it’s returned. Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there’s a lot of love around friendship. I learned that love isn’t even something about two people, it’s a state of being for one person. You aren’t in love, you are love. You are, whether you acknowledge it or not. The heart that’s pumping blood through your body is an act of love, 24 hours a day, whether you’re Mother Teresa or Adolf Hitler. (Sorry for the extreme example.)

There’s a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan (acquaintance). I’ve heard people who I’ve never met say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship.

I read this from Dave’s blog :“When a friend changes you can find the bond that’s connecting you at a deeper level. The surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow. So do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. People move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You just can’t tell what’s coming next.”

So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, then dear reader friend, that is not friendship, that is coercion.

A postscript

One thing I feel needs to be said is that there are many other relationships that aren’t friendship that are still positive. There are many people I admire who aren’t friends.

The world isn’t divided into two parts — friends and enemies. I choose to think of friend as a very strong word, representing a very close relationship. A friend is a personal relationship. I like and admire many people who I don’t consider friends.

A second postscript

One of the hallmarks of a person who is more likely to be a friend-that-was than a friend-for-life, is that person who shares a close friendship with God.

“Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?”– Proverbs 17:17

*quotes from a friend, thanks Dave Winer!

Something to make you smile: Joke for the day!

Two friends, Nirva and Junie were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Nirva had an idea. She turned to Junie and said excitedly. “Let’s play school”.

“OK!” said Junie. “But I’m going to be absent.”

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11 responses

  1. DANIEL

    Thanks Mike,i could realy relate to what you said,i am blessed with some very precious friends,i don’t have manny,but the ones i have are worth their weight in gold,God love you brother….Daniel.

    July 2, 2010 at 8:40 am

    • Thanks Daniel, excited to see you this side. I am trying my best to be there for the conference. Missed the world cup, but praise God my team (Spain) is still in the running. God bless you brother.

      Mighty Mike

      July 3, 2010 at 3:41 am

  2. i love the part where you talk about how some people aren’t friends but fans (acquaintances), loving the humor!

    July 2, 2010 at 9:05 am

    • Hahahaha! Love your humor too. What a nirver…hahahaha!

      Mighty Mike

      July 3, 2010 at 3:42 am

  3. Tinapie

    Shok! Am so proud of you, hehehe. You’re turning into one heck of a blogger my friend! 🙂 Pa-add naman ako sa blogroll mo o, please. 🙂 http://www.trulyrichmom.blogspot.com 🙂 I’m trying to combine all my blogs into ONE na 🙂 hehehe. Thanks brad. 🙂 Godbless always!

    July 2, 2010 at 5:48 pm

    • Thanks Tins. Was actually inspired by people like you. Yes sure I will add you at the blog roll. God bless and see you around.

      Mighty Mike

      July 3, 2010 at 3:44 am

  4. Kristine

    I am thoroughly enjoying your blog kuya shok.
    You speak about things that makes me look at in a different light. A lighter light. 🙂 God bless kuya!

    July 5, 2010 at 10:52 am

    • Thanks Kristine. That was what I had in mind when I did the blog. Thank you for your encouragement…

      Mighty Mike

      July 5, 2010 at 12:08 pm

  5. Gayle

    For the ones who know you as Shok, it’d be hard for them to believe the stories I have about Mikee’s escapades almost 20 yrs ago. I just wanna thank you for loving me when I had nothing to offer but my friendship. And Im really blessed to have been a part of your life when you were starting to build life of testimony. Highschool life would’ve never been the same without you and the whole gang! Sighs!!! Ive such fun memories of all of us!!!

    July 11, 2010 at 8:03 pm

  6. Gilbert Razo Cajes

    Hi, I’m really amaze about you reasoning, you are so bless and intelligent. Love reading your writings. It gives me more courage about the trials in life. My is in jail right now and thanks for the writings it makes me feel love by God.

    God Bless you always.

    July 13, 2010 at 4:54 am

  7. Gilbert Razo Cajes

    I would like to add, I’m new to the CFC community just over a month, but it’s here that i truly found real friends who are ready to help and guide you or even extend financial assistance for nothing in return. That’s what i called friends. God Bless you Again.

    July 13, 2010 at 5:02 am

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