Friends With Benefits
I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. (John 15:15)
Early in life, I have learned to surround myself with friends. I was doing a quick count and I can honestly say that I have a lot of friends. I also belong to a Catholic family life renewal ministry that increases your circle of friends at an exponential rate.
This blog is about friends who benefit from PAGIBIG, SSS, GSIS, PHILHEALTH or my so called friends with benefits…just kidding.
I learned a lot about friends when I got sick in 2002. I learned that a friend is someone I trust to be with me when I am at my weakest and most vulnerable. And they are people who, no matter how painful it is to see, are willing to be with me when I am so helpless and weak. If I am willing to trust my life with you, and vice versa, I consider you my friend. It’s not about whether you are trustworthy, or whether you are friendly, it’s the actual act of trust that is the basis of friendship. If I trust you to be truthful, then you’re a friend. If I find I must be careful how I say things, then it’s something other than friendship.
Friendship is not a state of mind, it’s an act. It’s something you do, it’s not about whether you’re good or not, it’s not a reflection of you, it’s a balanced relationship between people. That doesn’t mean it tips at some point. Sometimes you “need a friend” and other times it’s the other way. It’s a trust that’s returned. When I was younger and thought I was in love, a friend said it’s not love unless it’s returned. Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there’s a lot of love around friendship. I learned that love isn’t even something about two people, it’s a state of being for one person. You aren’t in love, you are love. You are, whether you acknowledge it or not. The heart that’s pumping blood through your body is an act of love, 24 hours a day, whether you’re Mother Teresa or Adolf Hitler. (Sorry for the extreme example.)
There’s a world of difference between being a friend and being a fan (acquaintance). I’ve heard people who I’ve never met say we’re friends. And then of course when I do something they don’t like, I’ve betrayed the supposed friendship.
I read this from Dave’s blog :“When a friend changes you can find the bond that’s connecting you at a deeper level. The surface stuff isn’t a good thing to depend on. Physical bodies change as they grow. So do emotional bodies and intellectual ones. Take a deep breath. People move, life is more like a wild dance than a ceremony. You just can’t tell what’s coming next.”
So if you find yourself trying to coerce someone into not changing, then dear reader friend, that is not friendship, that is coercion.
One thing I feel needs to be said is that there are many other relationships that aren’t friendship that are still positive. There are many people I admire who aren’t friends.
The world isn’t divided into two parts — friends and enemies. I choose to think of friend as a very strong word, representing a very close relationship. A friend is a personal relationship. I like and admire many people who I don’t consider friends.
One of the hallmarks of a person who is more likely to be a friend-that-was than a friend-for-life, is that person who shares a close friendship with God.
“Friends always show their love. What are brothers for if not to share troubles?”– Proverbs 17:17
*quotes from a friend, thanks Dave Winer!
Something to make you smile: Joke for the day!
Two friends, Nirva and Junie were thinking what to play during the afternoon. For a long time, they could not decide upon any game. Suddenly, Nirva had an idea. She turned to Junie and said excitedly. “Let’s play school”.
“OK!” said Junie. “But I’m going to be absent.”