Split Ends!

I don’t know where to start with this blog. The last break up that I was involved in was back in college.  I met my mighty wife when I was on my 3^rd year pursuing a degree.  So the last break up that I was personally involved in was some 13 years ago. But this does not mean that I am not too privy with what’s happening to “involved” young men and women who chose to split up or should I say called it quits. Remember my blog about “bridesmaids”? Well, most of them were actually involved in a relationship; it’s just that it did not proceed to something deeper, like marriage, hence always a bridesmaid never a bride.

I asked around and read some books why people break up, and the top 5 answers were:

1. An abusive relationship.
2. No trust.
3. Found someone else.
4. Loss of interest.
5. No future together.

I guess all these are valid reason to call it quits. Imagine being verbally abused, or emotionally abused, mentally abused or physically abused or a combination of all or of some of these abuses. I do not want to be in that relationship either.

Trust: A friend used to tell me that relationships are about “trust”, it’s all about trust. How many times have you heard this line? “To be trusted is greater than to be loved”,written by George McDonald. Honestly, I don’t know him and this is not a common line. I don’t agree one hundred percent but, it makes sense to some degree. I think the point that he wanted to emphasize was that TRUST is very important in a relationship (may it be as friends, co-workers, much more when you’re together).

Have you heard of this song by Bryan Adams and Barbara Streisand? I think it goes something like this…I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet,I finally found the one who makes me feel complete,It started over coffee, we started out as friends
It’s funny how from simple things, the best things begin. This time is different (la, la, la, la)It’s all because of you (la, la, la, la)– Imagine your girlfriend singing this while you are still together? And No, she doesn’t seem to be talking about you. Apparently, this happens all the time.

The worst excuse that I have heard but still included on my list was, that he/she simply lost interest. Have you ever experienced talking to someone almost about anything and everything and then one day, find that he’s all of a sudden busy with other things and seem uninterested in what you have to say.  Or he would rather play ball with friends or do something more interesting than spend time with you?

“It’s not you, it’s me”.

This comment would be nice if you’re stuck in an elevator with someone and a suffocating egg smell fills the elevator.  Joking aside, the line simply means that “I don’t see me with you tomorrow or later”. This is a classic line we hear and see in movies, when someone needs a “break”. This happens when they don’t see themselves in the future with you.

Sadly, break ups affects everyone. Even a very solid relationship grounded in Christian values can fall apart. As with all things in our lives, we must turn to God’s wisdom when we prepare to end a relationship.

“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:5

You may be feeling ashamed about an impending breakup or concerned that God isn’t interested in the small affairs of your heart. In this verse from the book of James, we learn that in every instance in which we want to learn something, we should first ask God. One big reason we should do this, James says, is the attitude with which God will approach our search for the truth. Unlike the way our friends and even our family can sometimes behave, God will give “generously and without reproach” – God will freely give the wisdom you’re after, and will do so without judging you or embarrassing you. God has probably already laid some things in your heart about your relationship. Maybe you aren’t following His will in respecting your partner; there could be a lot of reasons why God may be pushing you in one direction or the other. Listen to this voice, no matter how soft it may appear to be.

God’s wisdom is perfect – even so, it may not always be enough for you. The good news is, there are other sources for wisdom on breaking up.

“Without consultation, plans are frustrated.  But with many counselors they succeed.”      – Proverbs 15:22

If you are going to go through or are going through a break up, please consult or seek help from someone. The ministry that I serve in provides guidance to single men and women by giving them households (support groups, prayer groups). This is because we believe that it is difficult to make it on your own no matter how hard you try. Well, as they say “no man is an island”. Seek out a counselor of the same gender, so as not to further confuse your feelings. But be careful not to turn the consultation too specific – you’re looking for general advice on Christian breakups, not the counselor’s anointing on your breakup, right?

Lastly, “I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.” – Jeremiah 29: 11

If God led you into a breakup, you should rejoice – it means that God has a better plan for you, a plan “for peace”, and a future “filled with hope”. It is a powerful feeling, to communicate with God and see your life changed for the better. It is essential to the Christian experience to commune with our Creator this way. If you’re a Christian and you want to grow closer to God, you have help when it comes to making decisions about your personal life. Seek God’s wisdom, and the guided wisdom of those older and wiser than you, and your breakup will have God’s blessing.

Quote of the Night:

“Never be sad for what is over, just be glad that it was once yours”.

*I am not an expert on love. Whatever I shared was based on my own personal experiences and observations. One thing is certain though, I am very much in love with my mighty wife and these are just summaries of our discussions about break ups.